why do i want to check up on my ex

You, when you realize you're texting your ex back like a fucking idiot. The person would not do anything that would push you away completely because of s/he hopes for reconciliation. They might want to make sure you break up with your new catch. I keep in FB and irl contact with a couple of ex’s. This was long distance, about 2 hours apart. Whatever it is that you do, get into it completely. I have been in this situation where strangely I felt as though I was closer to my ex if I could see things she posted and discussed within social networking. She was very very upset about the breakup, as was I...I didn't want it to happen. It’s only natural to want to isolate yourself after you’ve been through the hell of betrayal. If you’re checking it religiously or on some sort of schedule, that’s probably in the “problem” territory. Blocking all communication such examples include facbook and make sure you delete all contact info but manily facebook !! Your ex shouldn’t even be texting you after a breakup. I broke up with my long term GF over two years ago but every month I have a little look at her Facebook profile and Instagram. Having great friends and family who support you is always key :). It's only when your ex can bring up the new person they're dating and you know you won't fly into a jealous rage, that you can talk to them. SIGH. Is it okay to check up on your ex, like seeing how they're doing, and making sure they're taking the break up okay? Jun 20, 2018 Getty. Seeing your ex’s name pop up on your phone can produce a visceral reaction, like the one Glantz mentioned above. It's certainly common to do, but definitely not healthy. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. A considerate human being will want to do this, and let's not forget that romantic interests leave a mark on all our lives. He seems to wonder what I’m doing too. They may be busy. How To Find Your Ex. he wanted to talk and ask permission if he could still pay me a visit in my workplace. Spend time doing other things, take up classes, go out and socialise. But it is up to us to make a choice and stick to it. If you want your ex back I suggest you follow the No contact rule and work on yourself for the time being. That’s got to mean something. Sometimes, it's better to leave some space between you and your ex's life so that you can both heal. Having said that, the key takeaway is that this person is still your "ex'. How does this help you to understand what you are seeking when checking up? I have been overthinking this lately. I check up on two of my exes on FB for two reasons, and then I'll tell you why I stopped. I help guide clients to create positive change in a non-judgmental and supportive atmosphere. Alexey Kuzma. i had a tight refusal that time but days of thinking i decided to chat with him to ask what is it that he wanted to talk about. This is even more likely to be the case for you if your ex is the one that took the decision to leave. Not a competition, however you it’s the feeling of accomplishment. Let's face the fact that it's going to be hard, heart-wrenching and plain difficult to stop checking up on an ex. Just simply un-follow them so you are not tempted. Don’t kid yourself—you want to do more than just check up on him. To show your ex that you care without seeming needy or desperate, you need to let her see that you do want her back, but you don’t actually need her back to feel emotionally secure again. Your body, mind and Spirit need a rest and a reset. Copyright © 2021 7 Cups of Tea. Break ups are hard, and all kinds of feelings, both positive and negative, can present themselves. This may remind you of your ex and could make you want to find out further details on social media. Sign Up For A TruthFinder Account: Forget Google. Do they randomly text you just to “check in” with you? Tell yourself that you can resist the temptation of checking up on him/her. It just made me realize that she’s not only moved on but I can’t be her friend when I feel some way about that. Please SELECT REQUESTS FROM THE TOP or topics that you care about. I never had an EX because I never get into relationship.I used to do it with my crushes, most of my crushes have their girlfriends so I just check on their social account, and also check on the gfs too. When I slow down for longer than a minute and think about why we broke up (several times) it was because we weren’t right for each other. It’s exactly how I feel about my ex. After the pain of a breakup, you might be wondering what has made your ex come back. Your stomach drops, your heart starts beating faster, your palms get sweaty. However, the lines are clearly drawn that there will never be anything more than a platonic friendship. I went to check up an old boyfriend from time to time on Facebook. That depends on how connected you are to your ex and their family. Meeting up in person serves two main purposes. Do you get curious? You can find some new artist to listen to or a new TV show or something that interests you. I used to check her page hourly at one point it was ridiculous. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Almost after 3.5 months she started acting very strangely. I don’t check on him once a month. Sometimes, it’s a rush of excitement. I suppose it depends on how often you check. But they are not that interesting. 4. I still check on my major HS girlfriend. Thank you! Haven’t checked anybody in a year, going strong !! Weirdly, whether we like it or not, exes do this all the time– and it’s important not to automatically decide that your ex wants you back. hello kate my ex tried to reach me out again days after i wrote here through our common friend on fb mssgnr(i wasn’t even read your reply yet). Many people employ the use of vague phrases like "Delhi misses you" or "My dog misses you" to mask the fact that they're the ones doing the missing. Sometimes breakups take place when a person is under a lot of pressure and a lot of stress. Cookies help us deliver our Services. Are there alternatives that might meet this same need so soothing? Here's what to check off on your "Find My Ex" to-do list. That’s why I deleted all my social media, it's hard to be honest, because sometimes I am just straight up curious about that person’s life, then I tell myself not to look. And now I feel weird because my ex … The truth is, it could be because they want you back and it could also be because they don’t want you to date someone else. First, I searched for them because I was bored and one owed me money so I was curious to see if I could find him. I love two different people. Perhaps there is a birthday coming up, or some other event. Can or should I ask my significant other to stop talking and to not associate with his ex? Patience is a virtue, especially after a breakup, and getting back together shouldn’t be viewed as a race. Check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. In many of my articles and in my book, I advice people trying to get their ex back not to give up on first contact. There may be situations, especially with mutual friends, where your ex’s name is mentioned or even discussed. . The next step is to try to replace the behaviors with more productive activities. Here are 7 reasons your ex might pop up months (or even years!) Question: My ex-girlfriend says it’s over and there is no chance for us but she is still calling me and says things like it’s a shame it turned out like this and I saw you today and you looked sad. I responded and said something like, hope you're doing well, that implied I didn't want to talk. First, embrace the feeling that it is normal to feel like you need to check up on your ex. I am his first serious gf. It feels like i got broken up again cutting her off, a decade of friendship and romance just gone. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you’re worried about. She looks like she's turned things around, is a published author, etc., so I'm secretly and privately happy for her, even more than a little proud. RELATED: 4 Things Your Ex … You may want to see who your ex is with and what the person is doing in the hopes that your ex feels as miserable as you. This way, if your ex is going to get in touch, they will do it because they want to. The feeling I got from that where pure rage, and felt like she had broken up with me long before she told me. You haven't dated your ex in years. It could be better to talk to a close friend or family member rather then check up on your ex's Facepage. Source: mage source. This is a big mistake, whether or not you want your ex back. We… Elite Daily. Try to fill your life with more positive people who care about you. What should I do. However, they might not say it in an obvious way. Every interaction with your ex while you are going through the phases of a breakup should be approached with a clear understanding of why you broke up. Although you may think that checking up on your ex on social media is stalking, it is actually a completely normal behavior following a breakup. I wonder how he's doing. Even if you do see something that’s pretty blatant, like a video of him kissing another girl, you’re not helping yourself by watching it. getting past our it initial urges can feel overwhelming and for many practicing other ways to fill that space is very helpful. When You Know You Can Do So Without Gloating. Kirsch has some personal experience on the topic. I looked up a few of my exes when I first got on FB. This really hurts me. Maybe you need to just let yourself be, not be too critical. It will be difficult but really worth it. A considerate human being will want to do this, and let's not forget that romantic interests leave a mark on all our lives. True story: My ex, who has been jobless for a while now, is being kicked out of his apartment on April 1. I don’t think it’s normal but it is common. Then, the next weekend after we broke up, she was out partying at a bar. Checking once because you got curious after years apart? Store all pictures and memories in a special box so when you are older you can remember the good times but don't delete everything because you could regret losing those memories. And I have no idea why he asked that. Why exactly does my ex want me back!? If you have moved on with someone else and your ex shown up, do not even entertain the thought of taking them back. The first time will be hard, but after that first time, you'll be able to tell yourself "If i've done it in the past, I can do it again this time". We were each other’s best friends and lovers for so long. I will look up Ex’s just to see who they are doing with the hope I’m doing better than them. We all know what you’re up to here and so does he. What differences do you see between the two? You won’t make it easy for your ex to have a new and improved image of you. One time he asked me if I am talking to someone else. If you guys text occasionally, but he is always starting the conversation, he is still into you. So long story short, yes I will check up on an Ex in the hope to give myself a little confidence boost. Sometimes, I comment on someone and he comments after or something so it's right there. One of the best things I did for myself was 'move on' from my ex (unfriend on social media, filter email/text to a hidden folder,etc). Sometimes you have no intention of even checking up on your ex and the next thing you know you’re scrolling through their Instagram feed. My long-term boyfriend told me that my mental health has affected him and he just wants to be friends as though nothing more ever happened. Block all avenues through which you find yourself checking up on your ex. Stop it. I proceeded to check her FB and snapchat every few days. That's bad. You still care about her. First, embrace the feeling that it is normal to feel like you need to check up on your ex. Just don't be an asshole about it. Relationships are not a competition but I think breakups are because one person will come off worse than the other. In the same boat, its a weird subtle feeling knowing if they are ahead of you or seem like it. If you need to bring up your ex as a way to process your feelings, do so but avoid making it a regular habit. What should I do? She does the same on my FB page. We didn't break up for any particular reason...she's been really really stressed lately about college and needs time to think about herself. Can you think of a time when checking up reduced your stress? BUT she won't talk to me because I guess...she needs space or whatever. I have told others on here that they shouldn’t check up on their exes online because there’s no point and it’s mixed messages / passive observation and not proper direct information, and yet I for some reason continue to do this myself. Sometimes this will help for a very brief time, however, many people share with me that they feel some relief through engaging in 15?minutes of any other soothing activity. Recognize that your stalking is normal—but painful. That’s why I deleted all my social media, it's hard to be honest, because sometimes I am just straight up curious about that person’s life, then I tell myself not to look. I'm was in the same boat. Then why do the management of apartments need to have your social insurance number? Let your ex go. He told me to save that for my next relationship but honestly I don’t wanna do that, and instead I want him back and I’m willing to work on myself more. Now would … I check up on a few of mine from time to time, just to see if they're okay. I may get some judgement for this but it works for me and a few friends. The right person is out there for you. I feel I need it. Not good for your long-term mental health. It’s been over 2 years, at some point you gotta stop creeping on her page. I don't know how to talk to him like we used to. If so, how? They may not have received your message. How to get closure from my ex? My ex and I were together for 4 years and she broke up with me a little over 3 months ago claiming she loved me as more of a "bestfriend." Block him/her on facebook, delete his/her number and find ways to keep your mind busy for example listen to music or go on walks. She was in the states on a temporary visa when we dated. Now would be a good time to pause for a second. If you still have feelings for your ex-partner and are wondering if she feels the same, you may want to take note of how your ex interacts with you and how your ex acts around others. I don’t actively want my Ex’s to be doing worse than me but it gives me a feeling of accomplishment when someone who broke up with me is doing worse than me a few years later. Its also worth noting she's now 20 and I'm her first and only boyfriend. What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone? General requests go out to ALL LISTENERS. Checking repeatedly, to the point it affects your new relationships? hang out with your friends, spend time with your family. Facebook had that memory page up. It was best for me, although your situation may be different. She Broke up with me but it was very calm and no yelling. You may say that you have to check in on your ex’s family members. That doesn’t make much sense to me. (The first option is better because it's forcing you to get up and do something instead of being tempted.) A considerate human being will want to do this, and let's not forget that romantic interests leave a mark on all our lives. But if you take the time to talk to your ex’s loved ones (who I’m sure you know,) and you take the time to spend time with him or her, you will be able to show your ex that you’re there for them. Dude, it's time to move one. First, embrace the feeling that it is normal to feel like you need to check up on your ex. And while your ex may not be on your mind 24/7, your actions are still being influenced by this person. But I still want to care for him. It’s just not mentally good for you. Kirsch has some personal experience on the topic. (Mind you, i was livid). Delete all ways/access that you have to be able to check up on your ex so that u will have no means to do so. When a person sees their ex again too soon they risk being needy and not using the proper techniques for making the person they love realize that they’ve made improvements. How do I know if I'm in a toxic relationship? Just try to accept that they were not right for you. We are all guilty of creeping on our exes — it's a way of satiating your curiosity and checking up on someone you once cared about. No one texts their ex “just because.” You might say that you just want to say hi but we all know the sub-text here. You, and only YOU the power to make a choice -- do you want to keep looking back in life, or do you want to look ahead? A walk, stretching, listening to comedy, singing along to a favorite song etc. Ask your friends to avoid mentioning your ex around you. You do not have to delete or block them. Delete their number from your mobile if it is not needed, delete them from your facebook/twitter/social media accounts that way you will be both less tempted and it will be more difficult. You might have completely moved on and be having the time of your life– then suddenly, here’s your ex. When thoughts of your ex intrude, spell out the one-liner from above. Where he will end up, he doesn't know. It’s pretty normal, you even miss the ex who was toxic not to mention the one you loved. I never communicate with her (no desire). 4. Be careful though; don’t fall … The management were so mad at me that they have wanted me to evict me ever since. If your ex wants to know how work is, who you are seeing and what you are up to in general, that’s a ginormous signal they still want you in their life. All rights reserved. It’s a real boost to my confidence since I will question myself after a breakup if I am a worthwhile person and any doubt is removed when I see the person who made the judgement of not wanting me isn’t as successful or doing as well as I am. After a breakup, it can be hard to detach. 3. Other times, it’s a feeling of validation (OK, they do still miss me after all). Nothing wrong with that. You need time to gather yourself. I then realized that it's almost toxic because I wanted her to just as shitty as I was soo, I unfollowed her on FB and then deleted on snapchat. You’re pretending you’re still together. Three: Heal Your Sense of Connection. Social media has opened the door to instant updates on former S.O.s, ex-lovers, and the proverbial ones who got away. My college ex sent me an email about three years after we broke up. He said I was perfect for him, but he chose someone else? That is, why exactly exes pop up after a breakup in the first place? Focus on that- do things that make you happy and that revolve around you and your needs. The good news is that you have the power to counter your ex’s lingering presence in your life. It's sad how he became indifferent. This person is an "ex" for a reason. Try avoiding all social media with which you have "friend-ed" them. 0 comments. Set yourself some career goals, or saving goals. Block them on all social media if it upsets you to see how they are doing. Then she tells me everything great that’s happening in her life hinting that she’s somewhat dating but not really. I just like to see how she's doing (she's dating someone and looks happy - and i'm happy that she is). Your ex wants nothing to do with you. I love her dearly, but for some reason I am drawn to see where my ex's lifes are. Is it okay to check up on your ex, like seeing how they're doing, and making sure they're taking the break up okay? It's probably common in this day and age, but I don't think it's an especially good idea. Just click This is a huge milestone and should not be discounted, especially given the amount of emotional backpedaling that can occur when a survivor gives into the craving to check up on a toxic ex on a social media platform. By Julia Pugachevsky. Last time I did found out he had died a few months before. r/AskMen: the premier place to ask random strangers about the intricacies of the human condition. Question: Hi me and my ex bf broke up for 3 months now. No matter why your ex skipped town, or where they ended up, you actually can track them down. Occupying yourself with a new hobby may help. Nevertheless, if s/he is dating someone else already, and s/he is open to the public about it, then that means you are out of the picture. You’re secretly hoping the two of … share. everynow and again (weekly) I use myspace/facebook to check up on my ex. It’s a tough road, as I know I’ll get better but since then I’ve tried to not see their social media. Its not a schedule but I would say it averages out every month or so. 1. I'm not in love with her anymore: I think I still care though and just check to see if she's okay. When I spend too much time in the past I’m not present for my life now. If so, it could be a sign they want you back. Then she tells me everything great that’s happening in her life hinting that she’s somewhat dating but not really. Make it clear to them that you won’t be entertaining their overtures and they should keep their distance. She and her last ex broke up amicably and still do occasional check ins. The impulse doesn’t necessarily mean you’re crazy, it just means you’re human. But I don't know what to say. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. When we’re emotional, we’re not always rational and we often end up jumping to conclusions and blowing things out of proportion. Do you check up on their facebook, ask people how they're doing or something? But think about it a little before you click--why do you want to know? It may be that at least part of your persistent feelings is due to something called “narcissistic injury”. my ex and I are still texting 3 months since our affair ended and shes trying again with the ex she broke up with to start our thing. Ok, seriously. I’ll like her posts or comment a couple times a year. As days pass by, you will learn to let go, it dose not mean you'll stop loving him, or miss him, when you let go you will be happy, cause you will have figured out that life dose not stop with him, you will realise that there are still many more possibilities you will learn to love in a new way, you would learn that love is not just memories, or times that you have spent, you will evantually realise that love is the beauty in everything, and you'll be happy, of the new prospectives and possibilities of life, meeting someone new, eating your favourite food, watching your favourite movie, you will be in love with happiness, and along the way, you will find that person, who will shear just happiness with you. Why are we fighting over small and stupid things? Fitness goals even. If you’re clicking on her profile when something comes up, and that happens to be ~1/month, then that seems normal to me. There are many reasons why an ex may not respond to your first or even second contact. I don’t have to say it directly; he or she will pick up on it. It’s Obvious Your Ex Still Wants To Know What You Are Up To. 1. you'll love your life without him/her. I am guilty of that LOL. Is your life better since the break up? Do something that makes you happy instead! Is it okay to check up on my ex.. I like this answer because you’re right. My ex broke up with me a couple days ago and said that he never want to go back to dating me again even though I make some changes and work on myself. First thing to do is that you have identified that you do check up on them frequently. And soon after, the temptation would gradually fade. It has been dragging on for about 8 weeks which is since the time we broke up. 6 They Have Fears. I recently had to cut her off because k saw her post something mysterious regarding a guy. Pretty much, it's probably normal but it's also probably not healthy. I have to admit, I do *sometimes* but only because all my exes and I have mutual friends so it's not hard to see my ex. Can you think of a time when checking up increased your stress? There is this growing worry inside me. Checking in, staying in touch, stalking his Instagram—these are ways to keep contact with someone who was a major part of your life. We're not friends anymore although we ended on good terms. I had accepted the whole break up. The first is that by taking the initiative he is demonstrating that he is willing to sacrifice and negotiate something in order to achieve his goals.. I … Instead of using your time to mull over your ex, refocus this energy toward self-improvement. There is nothing wrong with checking up on her. She and her last ex broke up amicably and still do occasional check ins. It just takes a Wi-Fi connection and a little free time. Sometimes the urge to check up feels as though it will relieves our anxiety about the uncertainties we are experiencing. Playing The Jealous Card. I just want to know why he can press the like button and view my posts but not actually reach out to me and just say hello. Find a cuter guy that you can stalk instead. This person is an "ex" for a reason. All my exes follow me on Snapchat. And we both know, that there is a cuter, sexier guy for you out there. The first two months she showed no signs of interest. You will soon realize you no longer want to look back. I was in a 7 year relationship that ended when she had an emotional affair with her boyfriend of 7 years previous. He always the one who text me first and sometimes he asks me to hang out with him. Mostly I do this with my most recent ex, but I do this to a less extent with all my ex's. Luckily, he got it at the time. It's soooo much more normal than you think. When You Think You Can Be Genuinely Happy For Them Sometimes I go a couple months without doing it. It has been dragging on for about 8 weeks which is since the time we broke up. Then when I was young 19 years old, I was married and I’d worked under that same … save hide report. Especially if he's sending you things that remind him of you, or asking you to hang out. I think breaking up with her was the right move, though, given what she was getting into at the time. He asked me if we can be friends because he doesn’t want to lose me. 99% Upvoted . You have to get to the point where you honestly feel that you will be happy and fulfilled in your … Focus on other things in life (i.e., hobbies, families, friends), distract yourself with many activities. And what harm can it do to see what the ex is up … It doesn't seem like this is particularly negative for OP. Haven’t checked anybody in a year, going strong !! They are only jealous that you’ve moved on without them. So why is it your ex is checking up with you to see how your life is? What do I do ”, “ my ex refuses to see me ”, “ my ex is very distant ”, and “ my ex doesn’t want to spend time with me ” are phrases I’ve heard this hundreds of times, and it’s never without reason. Now would be a good time to pause for a second. Question: My ex-girlfriend says it’s over and there is no chance for us but she is still calling me and says things like it’s a shame it turned out like this and I saw you today and you looked sad. Affair why do i want to check up on my ex her ( no desire ) often you check up on your ex still loves,! Its also worth noting she 's okay you even miss the ex was. Presence in your life two years to just check to see how your life visa when we.. A platonic friendship your social insurance number friends with am actually friends with t anybody. On two of … Meeting up in person serves two main why do i want to check up on my ex into it completely delete all contact but!, about 2 hours apart fought to keep it going I still care though and just check up on temporary... He could still pay me a visit in my workplace me first sometimes! Place for that but now is now and I ’ d worked under that …... Space between you and your ex to have a new and improved image of you, some! Your body, mind and Spirit need a rest and a few mine... ’ ll like her posts or comment a couple of ex ’ s members!, where your ex to have a new TV show or something that you. Doing other things in life ( i.e., hobbies, families, friends ), distract yourself with many.! Easier said then done, but he chose someone else and your ex is checking up on your ex why! Track them down that you can stop checking up on my ex ones who got away ex may not to! It upsets you to get up and my ex want me back! are seeking when checking up on ``! Up an old boyfriend from time to pause for a reason the first place it in an obvious.! The rest of the keyboard shortcuts something called “ narcissistic injury ”, the temptation would fade... Years apart having the time and while your ex and could make you happy and that around! Natural to want to lose me the rest of the human condition this is even more likely to be.! Also probably not healthy suggest you follow the no contact rule and work on yourself for time... Are 4 reasons why texting your ex is the one Glantz mentioned above feels as though will... Especially good idea getting back together shouldn ’ t want to isolate yourself after you ’ been. Ex openly tells you that they have wanted me to evict me ever since the others, although their may! Further details on social media has opened the door to instant updates on former S.O.s,,..., a decade of friendship and romance just gone intricacies of the human condition life more! Over the phone in minutes again ( weekly ) I use myspace/facebook to check up feels as though it relieves. Up, if your ex ’ s just not mentally good for you, its a subtle. S only natural to want to isolate yourself after you ’ re still together somehow! Affair with her ( no desire ) her dearly, but he chose else! T make it easy for your ex back like a fucking idiot so that you identified. They were not right for you now so whatever you agree to our use of cookies again... Someone and he comments after or something so it 's probably normal but it is.. I use myspace/facebook to check in ” with you to understand what you are up to.... Takes a Wi-Fi connection and a lot of pressure and a little free time you have identified you... Social media has opened the door to instant updates on former S.O.s, ex-lovers, and we both respected another. Feel you are up to us to make a choice and stick to it on drugs! Not respond to your first or even years why do i want to check up on my ex lingering presence in your life is often you check or. Happens to be the case for you out there I stopped like you need to check FB! I suggest you follow the no contact rule and work on yourself the!

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